THE ART OF MOVING ON
Break ups are complicated, painful and often get ugly. They are also hurtful and borderline insensitive. The act of getting another person used to you, making them dependant, promising them perennial comfort and then casting them off one fine day is almost an act of rampant sadism.
Let’s not sound like we live in an utopian world though- What has to be done, has to be done. When a relationship becomes endemic you must end it; before it causes further harm to both parties. If your better half is being nothing but bitter and turning you into a hateful, spiteful, miserable piece of self-blaming , forever morose piece of shit- it might be time to call it quits.
There are several different ways to break up and various means to heal your soul post the conclusion of a long-term relationship. First things first- don’t make any harsh decisions- you’ve already made one that will cause both regret and joy over your lifetime. This is not The Break Up Bible; it just might be my break up bible though :P
Stop talking to the person who just hurt you. No matter how wonderful this person is or was, right now they’re like fire for you and they will burn you. It’s not easy to cut off but, you must. This is the first step. Stop interacting with your ex: Don’t call, don’t text; don’t connect via social media- just complete radio silence. Now, you will fail at that, there will be moments of weakness, you will feel like the world and its rules are trying to come between you and your beloved but no... don’t do it. Once you’ve made your decision stand by it. If you fall off the wagon and do end up sending a text or making a call, don’t worry; just go cold turkey again. Also read: Tips To Help You Start Writing
Think of it as a meter which resets to zero each time you make contact. Until one day it doesn’t matter anymore. How long must you stay cut? The answer is... for as long as it matters to you. You cannot call this person till he/she is no longer important to you. Also read: The Best Ways To Eat Chocolate
Let It Out
Talk to people, cry your intestines out- accept that you’ve been hurt and let it seep- privately or otherwise. It doesn’t matter. What people think of you doesn’t matter. All that matters is what you think of yourself. There is no shame in crying- it’s the fastest way to get that weight off your chest.
Being strong does not mean living with pent up emotions; because tears that are meant to flow will flow- if not today then tomorrow. It’s better to cry now and know why you’re crying, than to wake up in the middle of the night sobbing like a child wondering where this sorrow came from. So let it go. Let your emotions flow freely. Also Read: How Do Men Fall In Love?
Live Your Life
You are not prepared to stay alone right now. You are a threat to your own self in this depressed state of mind. That is why you must do things- big things, small things, things that keep your mind engaged as much as possible. Play games, go for runs, cycle, and engage in activities which require you to interact with other people. Talk about things other than your break up. Read the news- look at what is happening in the world around you. Also read: Story Of Their Life: A Tale Of Young Love
You must see how large the problems plaguing the world are to realize how small yours is in the larger scheme of things. Not to say that your plight is inconsequential or irrelevant. It matters, you matter but, your existence is not a bi-product of your relationships- it is in fact the other way around. The focus is on keeping your mind off the one person it’ll keep going back to- the one person who doesn’t matter anymore. Do things. Things you enjoy. But mostly things that ensure you’re not alone.
You must forgive them for whatever hurt they have caused you; not for their redemption but, for your own. How do you forgive them is a question that you might find hard to answer but you must forgive them. Their relationship with you wasn’t part of a master-plan to annihilate your soul. Every relationship must run its course- it just so happens that this one reached its demise earlier than you’d expected or wanted it to. Let go. Also read: What Are You Doing With Your Life?
Your grudges hurt no one but your own self, your anger only consumes your energy; leaving you lethargic and tired. It’s okay to let yourself feel the misery but accept that it isn’t the result of someone else actions. You are where you are because of the choices you made and you will make better ones in the future. Forgive. You’ll be better off that way. Once you reach the stage where you can love them again, without wanting to possess them, then you can reconnect- if you feel like you must. Also Read: How To Love A Man: A Poem
Now I believe that it is absolutely essential to stay in touch with people who at any time were an important part of your life. You may lose people but the moments that you lived together, the memories that you built, the conversations you shared and the times you understood each other better than anyone else in the world were not inconsequential.
If you loved someone he or she is a great person to begin with. The person they became when they were with you is not their responsibility. Staying in touch is important for both of you for this very reason. You must understand that you are not the only one who is being wronged here. No matter who initiated the separation it hurts both parties. Once the cut off phase is over and you have both pretty much moved on with life it is okay to casually touch base and chat once in a while. These however have to be mature conversations which cannot border anywhere near the “let’s get back together” line. Also Read: Why Women Are Awesome
You will know when you’re ready for this and must initiate only once you know you are. You will eventually discuss things about your relationship and if you’re friends for long enough you might even be able to laugh at things which seemed drastic. Time truly does heal- it gives you perspective and lets you look at things from an outsider’s point of view. If you’re really over someone, you should be able to stay in each other’s company without feeling too uncomfortable. Liked this post? Also read: Rape Isn't Funny!
Who knows... maybe one day you’ll be able to love all your exes again for having made you the fantastic person you are today. That day you’ll be glad things panned out the way they did. Breaking up is at best cordial- it can never be pleasant but the Art Of Breaking Up lies in ensuring you come out stronger, wiser and happier on the other side. Also read: What Happens When You Chase Your Dreams?
There is so much more that needs to be said here but cannot be; since that would turn this blog post into a full-fledged book. My final words of advice- There is no nobility in causing or bearing hurt.